Cablevision has given the term necrophilia – as in an attraction towards corpses – a whole new meaning.

There is only one, real story this week. The resounding defeat of the Republicans in the US mid-term elections. My former Oxford classmate, David Rose, called me last Wednesday morning. “I feel I contributed to the Democrats’ victory,” he purred. David, a journalist for Vanity Fair, had interviewed some of the leading neocons for the magazine.

I mentioned to a senior banker, Barry, that I would be in New York for a week. What did he think I should write about while I was there? “The only New York story is that there is no New York story,” Barry barked.

Some things cannot be taught. Class, for example. You either have it or you don’t. What does “class” mean to you? To me, it implies doing the right thing; and there’s an element of humility. Financiers are wealthy but rarely classy.

Is Nomura’s time up? Japanese bank faces PR nightmare as lawsuits unfold; Tailor woe for one of the UK’s leading lawyers

Wasserstein shakes things up, but does anyone care?; Are incentive schemes morally hazardous?; Congratulations and commiserations

Uproar among Nylons; Banker complains about a woman — in his bed; One investment bank's efforts described as: “A shadow of its former shadow”; Riddle of the week: Can you run a syndicate department without being present at the event?; Congratulations to the new global head of syndicate in Merrill Lynch’s FICC division.

How do you keep the best talent? Pressing the pause button on a career in investment banking; Sex, beaches, bankers, Brazilians and videotape.

Gambolling with impunity, investment banks go on-line gambling; Is the European Union Savings Tax Directive 2005 a bitter blow to the ultimate butler brigade?

Missed or missing at the IMF? The bank chairman that sought my company; Money (or a luxury yacht) doesn't make you happy; Why Swiss private bankers are the ultimate butlers.

Polly Courtney's Golden Handcuffs; Monica is vindicated; What's going on with the ‘first lady of the Euromarket’?

Six degrees of supranational separation, To see or be seen at the IMF, Standards of hygiene in financial services

Summer torpor shattered by the sound of distant gunfire. Of what do I speak? The unexpected hostilities in southern Lebanon? Wealthy hedge fund managers stalking grouse on the verdant Scottish moors? Chuck Prince exercising with his personal trainer? Of course not. I am referring to the recent putsch at Merrill Lynch. “Just when I thought it was safe to poke my head above the parapet,” a Lyncher moaned, “I realize I need to don a balaclava.”

Managing money is not an easy option. My friend Entrepreneur Eddie recently regaled me with an unedifying tale. He was forced to harangue a top bank chief about the pathetic underperformance of his portfolio. Eddie thundered: “I told him, I didn’t give you my hard-earned wealth just to stand still.” When it comes to our own money, most of us are super-demanding. We turn from amiable acquaintances into snarling fiends. If we are paying a hedge fund manager the dreaded 2 and 20, we expect dazzling returns. So I’ve often wondered if hedgies take summer holidays. Or do they sweat it out in the office manacled to their Bloomberg screens?

The hedge fund mantra of making absolute returns regardless of market conditions is questionable. When everyone is in the game, the game is over.

“Hi Monica. How’s my portfolio and how’s your lawsuit?” - Gossip from Euromoney's Awards for Excellence dinner and KfW's Hans Reich farewell dinner - Natwest Three's legal PR specialist

As the silly season opens this summer, the British have a new hero or rather triumvirate of heroes. They are not footballers, movie stars or pop singers but bankers. Pick up any British newspaper and the solemn stares of David Bermingham, Giles Darby and Gary Mulgrew gaze out at you.

A girl can’t always focus on finance. As the hazy, lazy summer days loom, my thoughts turn to travel. Here's wise words to the discerning business traveller, and as an addendum — Abigail's apotheosis of absolutely fabulous hostelleries.

David Cameron, the Global Borrowers and Investors Forum and banks v boutiques...does size really matter?

For me, this story has it all: the human element (man takes decision and then very publicly repents) as well as the corporate element (a battle to the death for talent between Morgan Stanley and Perella Weinberg).

Finally, Deep Throat had granted me an appointment. DT is one of the most successful traders in the market. He operates from a lair in Canary Wharf and occasionally emerges to communicate, sphinx-like, sound-bites.

“Ask not what your country can do for you – ask what you can do for your country,” thundered John F Kennedy in his inaugural address. Hundreds of column inches have been devoted to former Goldman Sachs chairman and chief executive Hank Paulson’s nomination as US Treasury secretary. Hank will not be pleased by this largesse of newsprint.

I was lunching at Cecconi’s with my friend Richard. Cecconi’s is an Italian restaurant in Mayfair frequented by hedge fund hotties, Latvian lovelies with pneumatic mammaries and the odd voyeur such as myself. Dame Marjorie Scardino, chief executive of publishing group Pearson – or her doppelganger – was at the next table. Regretfully, under my Cecconi classification system, she falls into the voyeur category. Well she’s hardly a buxom Latvian is she? Richard is the brother I never had. He is funny, clever, irreverent and, in his spare time, a successful investment banker. If he weren’t one of my closest friends, I would hate him for the insouciance of it all.

This week Abigail ponders the size of it all at JPMorgan Chase; John Studzinski's new endeavors; and the Barclays bill at Harry's Bar.

"My Morgan musings started when I saw the results of Euromoney’s 2006 foreign exchange poll. JPMorgan Chase was ranked a lowly ninth (down from seventh last year) in the overall market share table. This is an extraordinary and inexplicable lapse for a bank that aspires to be a full-service financial supermarket. "

At the turn of the century, a friend of mine was head-hunted by Morgan Stanley. He discussed his decision to change firms with me and I counselled him as follows: “Morgan Stanley is a good firm but it’s not the great firm it once was. The aura’s changed.” When pressed to expound, I said lamely that the calibre of people Stanley was hiring seemed to me more mediocre than in the past. Sadly, my friend took that as a personal insult and never spoke to me again.

In this edition, don't miss: Abigail's opinion of Lehman's Board of Directors and of Jeremy Isaacs' realm; her advice to Bank of America on investment banking; the details of HSBC's Studzinski's glam 50th birthday party; and hats off to Rainer Stephan, chairman of Barclays in Germany.

Introducing a light-hearted look at the financial markets players as well as the issues that keep bankers up at night. In this piece Abigail brings us commentary on Deutsche Bank, HSBC, M&S tomatoes, and Sandy Weill's sweater.