"You should give it to us because we are nice and there are an awful lot of pricks in this business"
When all else fails...
"If anyone says that again, let me know: in fact I’ll come round there and see them with you"
A senior banker prepares to confront head-on the jibes aimed at his firm by competitors
PR official: "So, how do you rate our chances after hearing that pitch?"
Banker: "Well, given he’s using a Deutsche pen and a UBS notebook, I’d say you’ve got your work cut out..."
A banker from a US institution takes a cynical view of the pitching process after a meeting
"Awarding best global house on the basis of league table position is like awarding restaurant of the year to McDonald’s"
A familiar cry from halfway down the league tables
"During yesterday’s pitch, we made the claim that our rival had pulled a lot more IPOs than we have – and said we’d get the numbers over to you. To be honest, that’s not entirely true – we’ve pulled roughly the same. But probably the key variable..."
A bank PR tries to neatly sidestep one of the key claims made by his head of investment banking during an awards interview
"If they can achieve that, it would be like heaven and nirvana all rolled into one"
One senior investment banker mischievously doubts his colleagues in retail banking can hit their targets
"Some people are runners – they like to take things on and manage them – and other people are changers. I’m a changer. I like to come in, make a real difference and then move on. That’s why I have moved around a lot"
A senior banker tries, perhaps a little too hard, to explain his rather peripatetic career
"Not every deal we do we have to believe in"
A banker is refreshingly honest about his firm’s business
Euromoney: "Can you assure me that none of these products is going to blow up over the next 12 months?"Banker: "No, I cannot give you that assurance"
A disarmingly candid approach from a bank shortlisted for best structured products house
"I think the most liquid commodity in global markets at the moment is bankers"
An Asia-based investment banker offers his take on a new trend in global commodities
"We have destroyed everyone in Latin America!"
Alarming news from an overenthusiastic pitcher