Readers don’t need me to remind them how despondent the world has suddenly turned. Naturally, I have received tips over the past week informing me of redundancies at various institutions. As I wearily quizzed one bank’s spokeswoman, I forlornly asked: “Have you got any good news for me this week?”
Quick as a flash, she responded: “You’re joking right?” The sad thing is, I’m not. But like everyone else, I have come up with some tactics to avoid getting dragged down into the pit of despair. One is to read the obituaries; another is to avoid watching the news immediately before going to bed.
Yes, things are getting so bad that I hear that Slade has re-recorded its Christmas classic Merry Xmas Everybody with a fresh set of lyrics (possibly):
Are you standing with your back against the wall? It’s the time that the banks will squeeze your balls Is your boss a red-nosed burglar? Determined to keep his pay Do the fairies keep him sober for a day? Chorus: So here it is merry Christmas Everybody’s getting sacked Look to the future now It’s looking very black Are you waiting for your pay cheque to arrive? It’s getting very cold outside Does your boss always tell ya, the old days were the best? Then he shafts you, just like the rest Chorus: What will your boss do When he hears your lawyer wants to sue? Ah ah Are you standing with your back against the wall? Are you waiting for the next hedge fund to fall? Did you buy a house in Verbier with the bonus you were paid? But find you’ve gone broke now you’ve been slayed