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While watching the latest cookery programme from sweary diamond-geezer chef Gordon Ramsay I wondered if it would be feasible to launch the FiX on the TV.

I got an e-mail from a mucker this week telling me that he had been offered Euromoney by various delivery routes, including apparently by telephone. “It sounds like some sort of Jackanory (BBC children’s story programme) but with risk management and various macro economic trends rather than giants and beanstalks. Beyond bizarre,” he said.

But it got me thinking and that night, while watching the latest cookery programme from sweary diamond-geezer chef Gordon Ramsay I wondered if it would be feasible to launch the FiX on the TV.

Ramsay’s programme is characterized by lots of fast-paced editing and the prolific use of profanities – I reckon I could easily do that. So here’s the first stab of a sample script about how to trade spot.

Oliver: Log on – camera shot of dealing screen.

Oliver: Get rate – camera shot of two-way price.

Oliver: Fuck me, gnat’s chuff.

Oliver: Bosh, how you fucking left? – camera shot of price being dealt on.

Oliver: Wait. Take profit – camera shot of P&L screen

Oliver: Job done, fucking sorted.

Next week, I’ll show you how to fucking trade when things go wrong. Fuck

Roll credits.

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