"I remember going into the Fed for meetings on the LTCM rescue plan. At one end of the table there was Jimmy Cayne, at the other Dick Fuld. Now the table is a lot smaller and the faces are not so familiar"

"We have all the signs of emerging markets in the US now – there’s stagflation, growing unemployment, excess debt, poor monetary management – I just wonder when the US will be included in the EMBI+"

"Putting an idiot in a suit doesn’t make him a private banker"

The 2008 Global Awards for excellence

Euromoney: What was the reasoning behind the latest reorganization?

"The problem is that banks have ended up lending to these deals by accident – they thought that they were underwriting them"

"It is very hard to distinguish a catastrophe CDO from any other type of CDO in this market – aren’t all CDOs catastrophes?"

Banker: "We looked at SG, but the integration would have been very difficult and, in any case, the French don’t like to sell to foreigners"

"Richard Branson likes to make out he’s Robin Hood when in fact he’s more like the Sheriff of Nottingham"

January

"I was talking to a Merrill Lynch banker the other day who said he wanted his firm to be like Goldman Sachs. I replied: ‘But you’re not.’ It’s like saying you want to be cool when you’re not"

"This is the leather room, which we reserve for our more intimate client relationships"

"Interest rate cuts will be like Viagra – an artificial stimulus that doesn’t cure the underlying problem"

"Actually, now’s not a good time"

"Having been a customer of your bank for more than 10 years, I find it difficult to describe any of you services as excellent. Another good example of SBM’s excellence in customer care I believe is the underground parking at your Vacoas branch. The parking used to be available for customers. However since a few months back customers no longer have access to it, as it seems that it is reserved for the exclusive use of the branch employees!! So much for customer sovereignty"

"OK, so I screwed up. Even my COO called me up and said: "Great pitch mate, really compelling – shame about the logo on the top of the page"

"Ours is a top-down, bottoms-up strategy"

"Oh shit!"

"He’d been my client for 30 years, and he invited me down to see him at his home in Florida. When I got there he had assembled his entire family – wife, children, grandkids, the lot. I sat down. He handed me a letter and asked me to read it out loud to the room. It said simply: ‘Dear Bob, In the event that I should pass away, please tell my wife exactly what she needs to do, and ensure that she does it’"

"I’m nervous but I don’t know what I’m nervous about"

“I guess if Goldman Sachs can’t even read our P/E off a screen then the chances of them being good at the rest of the numbers is pretty low!”

“I’m afraid he says he is unable to speak with you at the moment.”

“The share price hasn’t moved for a decade. Working for Citigroup has put an extra five years onto my working life. You make a pact with the devil when you work for an investment bank, I know, but you at least expect him to keep his side of the bargain!” One disgruntled Citigroup banker bemoans having his retirement plans indefinitely delayed

“Take your pick as to which of these versions you prefer to believe:

“We’ve got samurais, kangaroos and bulldogs – now what we really need is a name for all these bonds coming out of Kazakhstan...”

“When you talk about leasing, everyone thinks you’re talking about cars. My mother-in-law thinks I sell cars for a living”

“When we were marketing our Asia hedge fund five years ago, one head of a large US fund of hedge funds observed: ‘Shanghai, eh? I bet you get great sushi there’”

“Is that ABN Amro doing badly? I noticed they’re using a minicab firm. It’s always a sign that a bank’s in trouble when they use minicabs rather than licensed cabs”

Euromoney Awards for excellence 2006

“It’s so bloody liquid, it’s not even funny.”