“I tried really hard not to use the words ‘dead cat bounce’ when we met.”

“I see you have the same problem as in my country: prostitutes everywhere!”

“Citigroup should wipe the floor with everyone in credit derivatives. What happened?”

“I was meant to buy a new house today. All the financing was in place. Everything was agreed. Then a Russian turned up with a bag of cash and gazumped me. My wife’s not very happy.”

“OK, if there were a big credit event, and if it coincided with one of the dealers going down, there would be a problem. How many ‘ifs’ do they want?”

“It’s nearly impossible to say which one you would choose when they go head to head in a pitch for passive mandates. They’re 10-ton gorillas that joust at the top.”

“I have 18 proposals from different banks all offering the same type of deal. When you pile them one on top of the other they stand over a metre high. I am suffering from lead harassment”

"Listen, I'm one of the biggest risk managers in Europe. I run a credit risk book of over €60 billion. By comparison most funds are little pussies."

"A bratwürst made from tofu? This I am not prepared to discuss!"

"£875m for The Priory! Why buy it? Maybe they have a view on the secular growth in the bulimic market"

"This is the best year without a doubt. We are not in the charity business, right? We are doing this to make money and you can rest assured we are very successful in our business." -An unnamed banker making one of the more aggressive – and honest – pitches for a Euromoney Award for Excellence